Funk: it Ain't Always Good

I love me some Live! Music! I love jazz, blues, rock, country, bluegrass and funk. I like to watch people react to the music; I've learned that white people simply canNOT resist the call of a fiddle.

There is one type of funk that is not good however. It's the funk I've been in since the end of Christmas break.

Having Seth here for three weeks was fantastic. Having him leave after experiencing what things "should" or "could" be like has been... well.. devastating. When he first left for Idaho, it wasn't that bad. I had been with Seth for my entire adult life. He'd been my friend, my boyfriend, my fiance or my husband for the last ten years. I didn't know how to live without him.

When he left, I was faced with challenges, yes - but also with new insight. I have wonderful friends, and I love hanging out with them. But I had to carve out time to be with them. Seth and I worked a lot, so the time we spent together was precious. With Seth gone, there was no need to carve out time, to prioritize. If a friend asked me over for a glass of wine: you bet! If a friend wanted to meet me for dinner or shopping or a walk: you bet! And lucky for me, my friends and family were taking good care of me, keeping me busy and keeping my mind occupied.

In short, it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. I threw myself into my work - staying late because there wasn't anyone to go home to. I was busy and the "single life" was novel.

Now that it's been almost six months (half a year!), it's wearing on me. It sucks. I hate going to parties without him, so I'd rather stay home. I have no one to dress up for, so I'd rather stay in my pajamas. No one is as funny as he is, so I'd rather read a book. And that, my friends, is a funk.

The fact that Seth is gone, coupled with what is easily my most difficult class ever, has made for one dark, stinky, gloomy, pity-filled funk.

I'm trying to be positive, I'm trying to go out with my girlfriends, I love hanging out with my sister, and I visit my parents - I do keep busy. I've started to work out again. But then I come home to the funk, and it's hard to get back out again.

I don't want a pity party - with the recent loss of a high school friend, I'm reminded of how lucky I am that Seth CAN come back - but I'm dishonest if I didn't admit how crappy it is to live in a different state than one's husband. Thankfully, I'm loved very deeply and very tangibly by those around me, and it's enough to keep the funk at bay for the most part.

And so, tonight, I bid the funk adieu! Get the funk out!