I am having trouble though. Trouble expressing my difficulties without sounding like I hate my job (I don't!), trouble explaining WHY this year is so damn hard without compromising confidentiality (I can't), and trouble laying it all out there without whining (I hope I'm not).
That being said, let me just tell you this much: I had a runner today.
I can't really go into much more detail (confidentiality, you know!), except to say that this is (hopefully) a one time incident, spurred by several outside and medical factors. Still... I cannot express the fear when that door flew open and s/he flew outside.
Everyone followed protocol, and when it was all said and done, I wouldn't change anything that I did. Which gives me a huge sense of accomplishment! I mean, that is a BIG FRICKIN' EMERGENCY! And I followed my instinct and my training and everything was fine.
However,
Do I want to go to school tomorrow? No. Do I want to go through that horrible sense of helplessness, fear, anxiety, anger again? No. Do I think that I can go on like this for seven more months? Honestly... sometimes... no. Do I NEED to? Yes.
I need to face my fears, recognize that this was a fluke, accept my limitations as a teacher and a person, drink my Hard Lemonade tonight, wake up tomorrow, and do it all again.
I wish I could tell you more. Just know that simply because I'm not posting does not mean things are not happening. Things. Are. Happening.
5 comments:
Those kids obviously don't know how good the have it! I would have cut and run for a teacher like you!
I would love to share a beer with ya sometime. Maybe a little Garage business.
Hang in there Mrs. Wilson. You know my feelings on the whole thing. Thanksgiving Vacation is soon, Hubby comes home, yam bake, laughter at the fam...Love you
Mom
Good for you for knowing boundaries and limits BEFORE you write too much. I can tell you that discovering them afterwards is no fun at all. Eating words/crow has never killed a man, but it gives me a severe case of indigestion.
I'm proud of you for more than that, too. :) You have what it takes to do this and to do it well.
I think that you are a phenomenal teacher, wife, sister, friend. There couldn't BE a better person for your job. Keep your chin up and your running shoes tied.... you can do it!
Oh angel. I feel your trepidation. I admire you. Let's all pray that "runner's" mom or dad will soon get a new job in another city and decide to move.... tomorrow. Bing seems to have a knack for prayer... ask him to get on the hotline!
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